10 Oh so Foolproof Ways to Annoy Kanda Yuu
by Nonumaru
Summary: Free time is always a welcome blessing for the mischievous red-head, eager pigtails and jovial albino. It is, especially in this day and age. When it comes down to it though, boredom is the best time for plotting new schemes. Which just might just be the worst time in a certain raven-haired exorcists life.
1. Prologue

I don't own Man in any way, shape or form. Just a fan of the series.

This is the second fanfic in my _10 Foolproof Ways_ series. The first one being 10 Not so Foolproof Ways to Get Kakashi's mask Off from the Naruto fandom. This is my third story dedicated to D. Grey Man. Enjoy, read and review always! ~Nonumaru

**XXX**

It was always around Mid-January when the gang of exorcists got back together again at the Black Order. Of course even Komui, stuck up in his office all day amid cobwebs and reams of unread papers, knew it was to cold for any fighter, no matter the caliber, to go on a mission.

So, on one frosty morning, a cheery group of three, sat upon their usual wooden benches and table eating breakfast. Allen's plates were piled so high with sustenance, neither Lavi, who was sitting next to him, nor Lenalee could see his pale face. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Well… except for the devil horns coming out of a certain albino's head.

"Hehe! I will get him back for throwing that Christmas tree on me, I swear it!" By then, Allen's eyes were slits and he was growing a spiked tail. "Right Lavi?" He turned to his fellow partner in crime, a sickening smile on his face.

The normally jovial redhead cowered down in fear. "I think you are taking this way to seriously," Lavi explained, waving his hands frantically in front of his face. His voice became many pitches higher than any girls. "You know I like a good joke, but do you have a death wish?"

"ENOUGH!" Lenalee screeched.

They never knew how, but she always seemed to have her clipboard always in the right place at the right time. That, and it had grown 10 inches in length to be able to his their heads simultaneously.

"We will compromise," she concluded, and sat back down. Both boys had their heads facing the table still, looking down at the food presented to them as if it were the most interesting thing on the face of the earth.

"Personally, I think Kanda needs a taste of his own medicine."

Out of her innocence boots, Lenalee drew out a piece of paper and a pen. "We have ten days left of break," she continued. "Each day we will do something to get at his nerves, so by the time we're done, he will have to apologize to you Allen. Also, Lavi, I believe this will be just as fun for you as well, so stop complaining.

The redhead pouted for a moment, then clasped his hands together in glee. Grinning creepily he said, "Why thank you mother Lenalady!" Then he stood up, taking a bow for no discernible reason.

She was as red as a ripe tomato. "S-shut up! I'm not your mother! But you guys do need some guidance once in a while, being careless boys and all."

Lavi adding insult to injury, stuck out a finger to point saying, "Well you sure act like one. You give us candy a-and walk us to the training grounds a-and-"

Before the 'idiot rabbit' could progress any further, Allen interrupted, "Wait. Are Miranda and Krory going to help out too?"

"Only if they want to. You can ask them," Lenalee said, twirling with a stray strand of hair from her bob that had just begun to grow back. "So Lavi, got any bright ideas?"

"Well since you were so inclined to ask; it starts out with one word… Soba."

**XXX**

1)Tell me what you think of this please! Is it shit? Good? I'd like to know. Thanks peeps!

2) For those of you who haven't read my stories before, I am really fond of saying what I'm listening to while writing. Music is a huge part of my life since I play the piano and cello. During this chapter I listened to** T.G.I.F. by Katy Peary, Down by The Birthday Massacre and Stacy's Mom by Bowling for Soup.**


	2. Soba

I don't own D. Grey Man in any way, shape or form. Just a fan of the series. Why else would I be writing this story? XD

Thanks for all the feedback guys I really appreciate it! Warms my heart. I'll try to update every week, but sometimes I guarantee that it won't happen. I have some of the biggest swim meets of the year coming up. One a week from now where I will be traveling to Indy, and then a couple weeks after, to Regionals. Bear with me alright? Enjoy, read and review always!

**XXX**

**Day 1: Soba**

On that first day it was extremely drafty in the Black Order fortress. The slight gusts of wind that came through the cracks in the brick walls were enough to bring the already teetering Science department off their office chairs. Not that any of them noticed much anyway. A lot of them were still asleep Kanda saw as he walked past. The infamous Johnny was drooling all over the paperwork, face stuck to the desk. This, of course, made the Raven 'Che!' in annoyance.

It was seven o'clock and time for a good breakfast… hopefully. _The Idiot Rabbit and Moyashi better not be here,_ Kanda thought, running a hand through his neatly cut bangs. He sighed, before smacking straight into Lenalee. "What the fu-"

The pigtailed teen didn't seem a bit fazed by bumping into him, she was preoccupied by something else more important in fact. "O-oh hi Kanda! It's nice to see you. I was just walking back from breakfast."

This was scaring the Raven, bad. Lenalee never got up to eat this early in the morning, never. Not unless she was going on a mission. She was usually the last person up, a trait inherited from her crazy excuse for a brother, Komui. The Japanese man cocked his head. He wasn't one to ask questions, usually not caring, but this situation definitely smelled fishy. "What's up with that? You are never awake this early."

Lenalee scratched the back of her head sheepishly, "U-um well I heard that all of the noodles were going to be gone by the end of the day. They seem to be as Jerry puts it, 'disappearing off the shelves.'"

It took at least two minutes for the Raven to make the connection. A few minutes that Lenalee was tapping her foot restlessly and Kanda was standing there as if he was about to take a very long, painful crap. Once she saw a flicker of surprise cross his features, she knew it was time to make a run for it. "Well, I'll see you later then!"

The pigtailed teen hated to even think it, but poor Kanda. She had left him like a bunny seeing a mirage of a carrot in the middle of a desert, strange as that sounds. For all she knew he could've found out their plan through the grapevine. Now that would make him the person in the caravan running over the bunny with a look of pure malice. Epic Fail.

The Raven didn't even bother to take notice of Lenalee's leave. Anything happening to his precious noodles was enough to bring the deadly side on. Storming around the corner, a simply amazing sight graced his sapphire eyes. It was Allen and a bunch of the exorcists in the Order, including Lavi, crowding around a bowl. Not just any bowl though. It was a bowl as large and as wide as one of the tables. What was is filled with? Shitfulls upon shitfulls of soba noodles. With the use of american utensils such as spoons they were eating them up at a lightening fast speed. One thing that they wouldn't have been able to achieve with measly chopsticks. In his daze he noticed that in their haste, the broth was dribbling down their faces and back into the massive bowl where it had come from. King of the polite eaters, Allen, had whole buckwheat noodles falling out of his constantly open mouth.

_Ugh! Way to make a sick pit,_ Kanda thought, _I never knew the Black Order was full of a bunch of kindergardeners._ Which, of course was ironic for the Raven to even mention. He hadn't even made it past preschool, the teacher giving him a failing grade in behavior for nearly chopping his classmates to pieces with Mugen.

Lavi, the first one to notice his presense in the doorway, standing there like a dumb ass grinned. "Oh look what we got here. It's Yuu-chan! You want to join us in our soba munching bonanza?"

"No way in hell! AND DON'T CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME! Or I'll scalp your sorry little bunny hair off your head!" Kanda yelled from halfway across the room.

"Oh come on Yuu. We're finishing up the soba supply, if you don't come and help us its number one fan won't be able to say goodbye to its greatness."

The japanese man laughed with a mixer of anger, nervousness and disbeleif. "You have got to be kidding me," he fumed.

"Uh…" the red-head was in a thinking pose, bottom lip pushed out slightly in thought. Then realization hit. "Nope! Right Allen?"

The albino looked up from stuffing his face for a split second to splutter, "Yeah, of course." However, with his quite overcrowded mouth it came out as something like, "Yeush, a couwshe." During this sentence numerous noodles and broth spilled from his mouth, plunking down with loud thuds; this made half the company in the room cringe in disgust.

Kanda's nose twitched. His hair stood on end. The glare of never ending fury fixed on his victims. His hand snaked around to his ever present weapon. While he slowly unsheathed Mugen, the group staggered back. Lavi's quick comment basically summed up their current predicament. "Guys, get ready to run. Oh we are sooo fucked."

That was when the Raven lunged headfirst towards them, sword in hand. Everyone who was eating threw their utensils and ran from the scene, but stayed close enough to see what would happen. All except Allen, who seemed unfazed by the proceedings, sitting, continuing to eat on his small stool. Kanda's sword crashed into the bowl splitting it clean in half. Soba noodles and fiery hot liquid splayed out everywhere on the floor. Fragments of the ceramic flew through the air. "Give me back my frickin' soba back you stupid son of a bitch!" Then he grabbed Allen off of his perch starting to strangle him. Subjecting the albino to the heimlich maneuver at one point. The poor exorcist was being squeezed like a plush animal given as a present for a little girl's birthday.

Lenalee, watching safely from the floor above took out her clipboard. "Mission Annoy Kanda- Stage One of Ten: Soba, complete," she stated, exaggerating checking off of her list. Komui suddenly appeared behind her with a curious look on his face.

Komui had been drastically woken up by frightening dreams of his sister getting married to Rever. Only soon to be informed by Johnny from the science department, that the loud noise he heard wasn't the wedding bells going off, but a loud crash coming from downstairs.

He clasped his hands together with a curiously creepy grin on his face. "Ohhh what would my darling sister Lenalee be doing at this time in the morning hm?"

Once he saw the mess on his floor he did nothing short of freak out. "OH DEAR! My precious cafeteria floor! What evil has befallen you!? Kanda destroyed your purity IN ADDITION TO KOMLIN THE FOURTH'S CEREAL BOWL, OH MY GOD!" Lenalee completely facepalmed. "We need to get someone down there at once!" As an afterthought the crazy boss added, "Oh and help Allen, he seems to be being strangled. " The pigtailed teen looked appalled at her brother's lack of sympathy.

For the rest of the day, exorcists and finders alike were cleaning up the mess. Kanda was even recruited, grumbling per usual. Even though the scene was looking really depressing, washing the floor and all, some good actually came of it. They all had fun doing this trivial activity together. Soon forgetting it was a chore and fully enjoying each others company as the set to signal the end of a very eventful day.

As a treat, Jerry cooked up a huge meal of sushi to satisfy the crowds growing hunger, including a special side dish of mitarashi dango for Allen.

**XXX**

1) During this chapter I was listening to **Daylight by Maroon 5, The A Team by Ed Sheeran (for my best friend Meg) and American Boy by Estelle ft. Kanye West.**

2) By the way, just like my previous 10 Foolproof Ways story, I do take input from you guys on what should happen next. Or any ideas. I'd be happy to hear them and I will give you credit for them by mentioning you at the beginning of the chapter.


	3. Manwoman

I don't own D. Grey Man in any way, shape or form. Just a fan of the series. WOOT!

Hey guys I'm back with a new chapter. I like your ideas and hope to use them eventually or even weave most of them into my plots; and for that, I thank you greatly. I thank **Allura Solis **for the idea I used in this chapter. It makes me chuckle to just think about it. You know the drill by now. Enjoy, read, and review always! ~Nonumaru

**XXX**

**Day 2: Manwoman**

Sadly to say, the next day's snowfall was relentless. The white fluffy substance was piled against the order at such a height, that in some places it exceeded five feet. It reminded Allen of his times with Mana in Norway, where, for a vacation, he had taken the albino to ski and climb the abundant mountains there. At this particular moment, he was watching the snow fall from the only room in the Order he could find peace. His room. It was sparsely furnished with a bed, dresser and one painting adorning the wall. However, all the piles of clothes and dust bunnies lining the floor were enough to distort that reality.

Allen's train of thought was suddenly broken when someone knocked at the door. Of course, he already knew who that eager intruder was. "Yes Lavi," the albino sighed, running a hand through his shoulder length hair.

"Huh? It's not Lavi. I'm highly offended good sir!" In a lot higher voice, the jovial red-head continued, "It's your dear Lenalee come to fu-"

Allen opened the door swiftly to cut off the vulgar language about to spout from Lavi's mouth. "What is your problem?!" He screeched, this throat cracking and slightly dry.

"Oh wait. I forgot. You like Kanda. Never mind!"

The nonchalant manner of the albino's friend at that last comment made his complexion turn a deep shade of red. "No, seriously Lavi, what are you doing here?"

"I've come to carry out day two of our plan of course! Why else would I want to come to your…." he trailed off, glancing around the small alcove, "Room?" The Bookman looked even closer. "Has it gotten worse since last time I was here?"

Allen facepalmed completely, closing the door behind himself. "So what exactly is our plan then?"

All Lavi did was lean against the wall in exasperation and gesticulate in a manner as if to say, 'It's your choice. Does it look like I have any bright ideas at this point?'

The Beansprout ran a hand through his hair for a moment. Suddenly, a moment later, his eyes went wide. "Oh god, I think I've got it!"

The red-head brightened at the prospect. "Ohh, oh tell me, tell me! Please I'll love you forever and ever if you tell me!"

Allen, in a very Kanda-like manner, scrunched up his nose in disgust. "I don't think I need your unconditional love thanks."

Lavi's pouty face was prominent, now irking the albino more and more as the moments ticked on. "Awwww Moyashi-chan. Your sooo mean."

"Ugh! The name's Allen dammit!"

"Whatever," the Bookman said, rolling his eyes. He got off of his perch from the wall to stretch his stiff back. "What's the plan now? I'm dying to know."

"Well," Allen started, grinning like a madman, "It goes like this…"

**XXX**

Every day was an early day for the samurai. Especially when he wasn't on a mission. He got up at four o'clock every morning, a routine that Lavi thought was more like an elderly woman schedule. Not like Kanda cared what that idiot thought even though he knew his friend was right. Immediately after he got up, he would train for two hours with Mugen, only stopping once in a while for a water break.

After conversing with Lenalee, Allen and Lavi caught up with Kanda just as he was walking back towards the Order building. Despite the cold, his face held absolutely no change in color at all, it remained bleach white. His hair billowed in the freezing wind.

For the Raven, just the sight of his two friends annoyed him half to death. So when they came up to him with sickening smiles plastered on their faces, he glared. "What do you want, Baka Usagi?"

"Oh! Yuu Darling!" The red-head exclaimed as if he was rather startled. "You caught me off guard with your beauty!"

Kanda's nose twitched. "Da hell? Don't call me that idiot!"

"Oh I'm not joking mademoiselle, what luscious hair you have," Lavi purred. That was the face. Whenever Lavi made the creepy pedo-face, you better run for your life; to heck with pride.

Before the samurai could even think, he felt a presence behind him. Who was the person you may ask, and what were they doing? "Get off my hair Moyashi you facktard! Or I swear I'll pull every single one of your geezer like hairs out of your brain. Slowly, and painfully." Kanda struggled pitifully, Allen's grip was so iron clad that no one could've broken it by mere force.

"It's Allen Ba-Kanda! Also, It is really a shame for a pretty girl such as you to spout as much foul language as you do." The whitette poked the victim's face, earning another twitch and sneer. "But I'm sorry to say," the albino gave a gentle caress to his lady's hair, then continued, "This time you are the fucktard. Hair doesn't grow out of your brain silly!"

_There is giggling! TO MUCH GIGGLING!_The samurai, still trying his best to get free of the vice grip on his hair, suddenly gave off a most menacing ora. "What the fuck are you guys playing at?" Kanda fumed, his hair stood on end, like a porcupine to its predator.

The white-haired exorcist staggered back a few steps. "Okay, she's not such a lady anymore."

Lavi took advantage of Kanda's state of anger to grab a chunk of hair to braid, but the Samurai quickly punched him in the face. The red-head rubbed his bruised cheek, whining, "Awww, can't you play fair Yuu?"

"Hell no." At the moment these words were said, the pair let go of him.

"We'll let you go for now girly," Allen smirked. Okay, now Kanda was really scared. There was some double pedo-face action going on there!

**XXX**

Miranda, at this stage of the operation, had surrendered, thinking she wouldn't be of use, not liking the idea of giving Kanda a hard time. Krory teased her, saying she was really in denial she had a crush on him. This made her blush even more ferociously than usual, but overall that was the end of that theory. So, it was up to Krory and Lenalee to finish stage two of day two; the codeword being 'Manwoman'. Who made up this name? A certain boy genius named Lavi of course!

"Ssshh, there he is," the pigtailed teen whispered. Speak of the devil and he may come as the old saying goes. Right as rain, there was Kanda eating his soba noodles. Once he was finished they approached.

"Hey Kanda, how are you doing?" the vampire asked, sitting down across from the samurai. "Your hair looks great! I always have to put a lot of gel in mine to get it to stay. For you, a matching navy blue skirt would work wonders on you to showcase your legs."

"Fucking pervert," he directed at the vampire. Next, he glared at them both, saying, "What the fuck are you playing at?"

"Nothing~" Lenalee slurred, leaning closer to Kanda. "It's just that I'd really appreciate it if you went dress shopping with me. There is this pretty pink, fluffy-"

That was the last straw for the Raven. He stood up swiftly and grabbed for his tray. The pigtailed teen didn't let him get much farther. She groped for the other end of it; she had a secure hold on the thing in a split second. "I don't know what kind of pot you've been smoking, but I'm not a girl dammit!"

"Well your name is technically only used for girls, so… " Krory added, trailing off.

The Samurai was furious. He ripped the tray completely from Lenalee's hands, stalked over the waste bin, deposited the trash, and slammed the tray down. After that, you could've said he cursed he world. He took out his index finger and began pointing out people. "Fuck you and you, you, fuck you-" Everyone just sat there unblinking. Lenalee and Krory had some major sweatdropping going on though.

Once he was presumably done, from a hidden corner of the room a voice sounded. "What? Wha happened? Did I do something?" It turned out to be Allen, waking up from having fallen asleep upon his pile of food.

"Oh wait," Kanda continued, a sickening smile on his face, "And fuck you too."

"No seriously! What the hell is going on?!" the albino asked.

Lavi appeared from behind the stack of plates. "What the heck do you think we've been doing to him the last two hours Moyashi-chan?"

"Oh yeah," Allen chuckled, just remembering their plan. "By the way, the name's Allen Walker."

The red-head facepalmed._Will this ever end? _"Whatever." He shook his head in exasperation.

**XXX**

1) During this chapter I was listening to** Back 2 Life (Live it Up) by Sean Kingston ft. T.I., Keep You Much Longer by Akon and Kyoto by SKRILLEX ft. Sirah.**

2) For those of you flying high in the joys of reviewer land I have a question for you. What D. Grey Man character are you most like and why? I am a lot like Allen in personality, but I have Kanda's bad temper and seriousness sadly. I'd like to hear from you. ;)


	4. The Holy Mugeness-Part 1

I don't own D. Grey Man in any way, shape or form. Just a fan of the series peeps.

I think this idea is long overdue to be made a chapter. So, I would like to thank two wonderful people, **CrazyAnimeOtako198**, **yanatobosofan's-friend **and many others for planting this thought in my brain. Enjoy, read and review always!

**XXX**

**Day 3: The Holy Mugeness-Part 1**

One thing Lavi absolutely didn't like about this much free time, was that he was just to lazy to be productive. No how many papers Bookman Sr. threw upon his desk, none of them seemed as interesting to him when his mind wasn't active. This, of course, usually ended up with him getting a very effective left hook in the face by Panda. Nonetheless he was always reading. While Lavi was looking through the numerous shelves on that morning of the third day, he came upon a book about katanas._ I don't think I've ever seen this one here before,_ Lavi thought. _Usually Panda tells me when a new set of books come in so I can record them, but this… is something else._

It sure was an intriguing sight indeed. All the other books in the order were completely devoid of dust or any sign of disrepair. This one though was the exact opposite. It's cover was tattered and battle worn? Coffee stains of various degrees littered the pages. Interested, he snatched it up and began to read.

After a few moments though, the red-head's reading was interrupted by the sound of hurried footsteps ringing through the corridors. "Oh god! Where the hell am I?" Allen cried in despair, having been lost for the second time that day. He plopped down on a large stack of books he figured would serve as a chair.

A voice sounded from under him, "Are you lost again, Moyashi-chan?"

"Excuse me Lavi, but the name's Allen. Wait, where are you?" The Albino looked around for the familiar face but couldn't seem to spot it.

"Umm you're kinda sitting on me," Bookman Jr. whined. He squinted up to his friend, trying to hold back a cry from the severe pain.

"What the hell?"

It was scene to behold indeed. Not only was Lavi required to do his tasks by Panda's order, but also to balance a stack of books on his head while doing it. Fifty of them to be exact. "No wonder your hair is so flat at times buddy," Allen smiled, patting the huge **History of Asia** textbook he was currently perched on. Once these facts sunk in though…. "Oh my Lord! Oh my Lord! I have to get off of here! I swear, how the hell does your neck not break! We need to get you checked out." While the Albino was making a massive conniption fit on the leaning Tower of Piza, the red-head was having massive issues with keeping his head screwed on.

Slowly but surely, all good things must come to an end. Including the leaning Tower of Piza. With a very inglorious crash, Allen faceplanted into the ground, the books somehow landing one by one in a pile on top of him.

"Whoa!"

"Eek!"

Once the dust finally settled and the young Bookman was right in the head, he noticed the book from before. He blinked owlishly; then again, he blinked. "OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH I'VE GOT IT! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?!"

Allen facepalmed, "You're asking me this?" Under the books his voice was slightly muffled.

Lavi continued without taking head to the other's comment, "The answer is right here. Allen honey, get ready cause we're gonna mess with the oh holy Mugeness."

The Albino sweatdropped. "You must be nuts." There was no response for a while, during which he continued, "Hello~ I'm still here."

"No I'm not nu- oof!" A fist came blasting into Lavi's face.

"You idiot, pick up all these dang books you so unceremoniously dropped onto the floor." When his apprentice hesitated he yelled, "Now kid! I'm not getting any younger!"

"You sure aren- oof! Panda-san..."

**XXX**

1) During this chapter I was listening to **Lost In Stereo by All Time Low, A Thousand Years by Christina Perri**, and **In For the Kill by SKRILLEX. **To all those people who love SKRILLEX and dubstep in general, kudos to you man. XD

2) Just a question for you guys, again. Oh geez, I feel like I'm hounding you guys. Oh well! What is your favorite D. Grey Man opening or music artist in general and why? This saves me the trouble of going on a _Yahoo Answers _poll.


	5. The Holy Mugeness-Part 2

I don't own D. Grey Man in any way, shape or form. Just a fan of the series.

Here is the next installment for you peeps. I am really impressed and happy with all the reviews I'm getting for this story, I really appreciate it. Thanks everyone. Enjoy, read and review always!

**Warning:** A whole hell of a lot of cursing from our favorite samurai. Just telling ya.

**XXX**

**The Holy Mugeness: Part 2**

"I better get my matarashi dango for this you know?"

"Shhhh! Be quiet, I'm opening the door," Lavi whispered as he slowly creaked the wooden door of Kanda's room open.

The Raven's man cave was nothing short of elegant, just like the man who inhabited it. It was done all in a simple shade of dark blue, with the Order's usual brick walls. However, the contents and way it was designed made it fit for a king. Japanese proverbs lined the walls on tapestries, but the only things that really decorated the room were a circle meditation pillow in the center of the carpet, as well as a wilting lotus in a glass case.

Luckily for the two robbers, Kanda's back was to them while they snuck in. He did shift in position slightly when they approached closer though. Their hopes didn't get two high because of a comment Lenalee wisely had told them early that morning.

_"Just remember guys, Kanda always sleeps with one eye open. It doesn't matter if he is in the order or on a mission."_

By the time both were fully in the room, it looked as if it was a bad scene from the Tell-Tale Heart. Slight sleepy murmurs came in soft waves from the bed. That was not to deter the team however, Mugen was now in sight.

"One… more… inch," Lavi said. He was straining to reach the katana from his perch as close to the bed as he would dare.

Allen was bug eyed. Something wasn't right. The blob on the bed was emanating a deathly ora. At that moment, there was no way Kanda was asleep the Albino thought. "Uh Lavi-"

The samurai was moving, twitching even. It was only mere seconds before the time bomb exploded. "GET THE FLYIN FUCK OFF MY BED AND AWAY FROM MY MUGEN YOU CRAZY CUNT! "

By this time Lavi squeaked, ducked, and ran for his life with the sword in his clutches. Allen, even though he knew something was about to happen in the first place, was glued to the door like a paperweight. Kanda's hair was standing on end. He was flailing his arms around like a kindergardener throwing a temper tantrum. He might as well have been saying,_"Mommy I wanted a popsicle!"_

Glaring daggers at Allen, the samurai growled in the calmest tone he could muster, "Hey you, fat fuck, get out of my room, now."

"Couldn't you be any more creative with your choice of profanity?" Allen chuckled, unfrozen. He was leaning lackadaisically against the door.

"Fine, you UNCLE FUCKER, get your CHEAP ASS out the door and back to eating your matarashi dingo before I force you. Got it?"

"Geez, I never knew you were such a bitch in the morning Kanda. Oh well, no women for you." Before the Raven had time to respond, the door was slammed shut.

An eerie silence enveloped the room as he plopped back down on his inviting bed. However, something was breaking the usual peace. An absence of a certain object perhaps?

"Wait, where's Mugen? I'LL MURDER YOU TWO, I SWEAR TO GOD!"

**XXX**

"Hehe! We finally got it, and only after one day of plotting too!" the red-head squeaked with glee.

Lenalee shook her head in exasperation. "I think your joy might be a little premature there Lavi. We might need to help Allen first."

The Albino was once again emanating a devious ora. The tail and horns which had disappeared a couple days ago were back full force. It was obvious he was plotting Mugen's ultimate makeover. "What shall we do~? Hehe! Oh yes, we need to decorate, yes. But what with Allen honey? Oh yes, of course, not only sequins would suffice. We need all sorts of glitter. GLITTER!"

The pigtailed teen, as well as the Bookman, sweat dropped to the floor. Lavi sighed, "I think he's gone mad."

"Finally," Lenalee added. "Well, there isn't anything we can do about it now other than help him."

The red-head cowered in fear. "I'm not sure if I want to."

"Oh suck it up! Sit your ass down!"

"Oof! Lena…" With a very unceremonious kick, Lavi landed, bum first on the wooden chair next to Allen. He was not looking the least bit pleased with his predicament at the moment.

All was forgotten though, when the two saw what the Albino had been working on in such a short time. The katana had been glammed up, so to speak, to a horrendous degree. The sheath was covered in hot pink fabric and littered with rhinestones, glitter filled up all the open spaces in-between. The hilt of the sword had in place of the gemstones, some of Lenalee's old Barbie stickers. It actually looked pretty cool. To a five year old girl.

"Oh holy hell it looks like Hello Kitty threw up all over the thing," Lavi gasped.

The pigtailed teen just chuckled in response. She had one of her hands on the back of the Albino's chair, the other on the table so she could lean over to see. "That was definitely a good use of those stickers." She sighed. "Oh dear! I actually kind of feel bad for Kanda now. Once he sees this-"

Booming footsteps echoed off the corridors. Slight whimpers and murmurs from people in the hall kept coming closer. Allen jumped up. "Shit, that's him!" Once he appeared in the doorway they all knew with a simultaneous glance they were so dead. The glare was like a laser, obliterating everything in its path.

Lavi, as if on queue, screamed, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE MASTER OF THE HOLY MUGENESS IS HERE TO RAPE US SENSELESS!"

"GRRRRAAAAAHHhaahha!"

_Three hours later..._

"Flying monkeys Yuu! That actually hurt…" The red-head pointed a finger accusingly and continued to rub his sore head.

"Shut up already and help me get these damn stickers off of here." Kanda was trying to pry the bothersome stickers off Mugen, but to no avail. His face was one of severe constipation.

"Okay geez, the things I do for you Yuu darling~"

"Ouch!"

**XXX**

1) During this chapter I was listening to **Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson, Get Down on Your Knees and Tell Me You Love me by All Time Low, **and **Cyclone by Baby Bash.**

2) Question time! Yeah, this is going to become routine so suck it. Do you play any instruments, and if so which? I've been playing piano for 9 years, cello for 5 years and guitar for two months. I'd like to know!


	6. Bedhead-Part 1

I don't own D. Grey Man in any way, shape or form. Just a fan of the series.

This next chapter features an absolutely hilarious idea from reviewer **WithoutWingsX**. Thank you very much for the support everyone. I just happened to get a record amount of reviews last chapter. Okay guys, enjoy, read and review always! You know the drill.~Nonumaru

**XXX**

**Day 4: Bedhead-Part 1**

On the morning of the fourth day, Kanda was starting to get suspicious, very suspicious of his friends. It was starting to worry him that his peers were being very annoying, not that they weren't annoying already. Before though, some sort of peace was established. However, during the past three days the normal peace had been blasted to smithereens by utter chaos.

While lying in the comfort of his bed, he planned out each and every move carefully in his head of what the day would entail. Also, the samurai added back up plans just in case something went wrong. Little did he know, his friends, a couple rooms away in Lenalee's bedroom, were plotting his ultimate doom.

Now you must be thinking, why is Lenalee's room right near Kanda's? Why doesn't Komui, with his serious sister complex, burst in with the cops every other hour to saw the man's head off. Well dear reader, I think by that point it had been established to even the most thick headed people, that Kanda was indubitably classified in the objectum sexuality department.

From the the pigtailed teen's room, soft murmurs and slight laughs could be heard through the door. This was the group's headquarters from now on.

"Come on guys, we have to get back on topic," Lenalee laughed.

"I agree." The albino declared, raising a fist in the air to prove his point. "So, what do you think should be our game plan?"

"Hehe! Its so sooooft~"

"Ugh! Lavi you pervert, stop touching my hair, right now!" Lenalee smacked the offending hand away immediately.

"Buut why…" Lavi whined, twirling a strand of her bob with his index finger. "I rarely get to play with hair unless it's Yuu's; and as you know, he's not much of a good sport." Another, more painful whack was heard. Yup, that was the clipboard. "God. WHERE THE HELL DO YOU WHIP THAT THING OUT FROM!?"

"Oh guys! I think I've got it!"

Despite Allen's sudden exclamation, Lavi continued to mumble, scanning Lenalee up and down. "Where does she keep that thing? Is it foldable?" He looked near her stomach. "Nope her waist is too skinny." She was furious. When Lavi really crossed the line was when he said, "No wonder your boobs are so big, you keep it in there don't you." Lavi pointed to her chest.

Allen cringed as Lenalee purposely face planted him into the door. She stalked over and sat down again cross-legged in front of the Albino once again. "Now, I got rid of that idiot. Seeing as you are the only sensible man in the Order, I'm sorry Allen, what were you going to say?"

"Umm…" the albino hesitated, "It might be hard to do, but it involves mostly Kanda's hair. Here's what we'll do."

**XXX**

"I understand what we're supposed to do, but how are we going to get him so stay still? He not just going to say, 'your wish is my command' or some shit like that," Lavi sighed, rubbing his sore head. He was really getting tired of people hitting upside the head.

Allen laughed mechanically, sprouting yet another pair of horns. He was carrying by the handle a flat steel saucepan.

_Good, another thing to smash people into walls with, _Lavi thought."What do you plan on doing with that Moyashi-chan?"

"Ah-em! The name's Allen. If you really want to know though, I'm getting revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge!" the devil exclaimed. The pan was flailing around in the air precariously.

"You're mad."

"Insane."

"REVENGE!"

"Okay now," Lenalee coaxed, pushing her friend out of the room. "Let's direct that blood lust for Kanda, shall we?"

Once the group made it in the meditation room, they immediately saw the samurai sitting on the floor. His face was tranquil and entirely at peace it seemed for those first few minutes. The door that opened into the room was facing directly towards their victim. Mirrors lined each and every one of the walls, supposedly it helped with the atmosphere.

Allen had it rehearsed to a fault. He slowly, without noise, walked up to the man and hit him square in the head with the saucepan. A clang resonated throughout the room, echoing off the walls of the place like a gong. Kanda's eyes were instantaneously open, they bulged out until he nearly fainted to the floor.

"Alright, step two, strap him down," Lavi called. Krory, Miranda and much of the Order shuffled in the room to aid in their cause.

A load groan was heard from the Japanese man. "What the fuck are you doing to me… ?"

"Kanda darling, we're doing just what we did to your lovely Mugeness," the Albino purred, kissing each of Kanda's fingers slowly.

"Get your filthy handa off-"

"My filthy hands!? No Kanda! I sure hope they aren't filthy for the massive makeover I'm about to give you."

Each of the Black Order member groups were there. The scientists had their syringes hidden in their pockets. Komui and Reever had their favorite saws out and spinning, while the exorcists suffocatingly trapped him. "Oh hell no…," was he could muster before the world went black.

"Okay peeps, all hands on deck! Remember people, lots and lots of braids!"

**XXX**

1) During this chapter I was listening to **Thinking of you by Kesha, Collide by Howie Day** and **No Sleep by Wiz Khalifa**.

2) Here's the next question for you guys. What are some of your favorite manga series and why? Of course, I really love D. Grey Man or I wouldn't be writing this story. The movie Spirited Away, Stray Dog Story and K-Project are also really cool. I'd love to hear from you. :)


	7. Bedhead-Part 2

I don't own D. Grey Man in any way, shape or form. Just a fan of the series.

My computer is sooo being a bitch right now. The reason it took me so long to update last time was because the site wouldn't let me choose which document I wanted so I couldn't submit it in time. I was no vacation too. Urgh! Now I have to submit from my mom's Iphone. Story lesson: Nonumaru ain't happy. -.- Enjoy, read and review always!

**XXX**

**Bedhead: Part 2**

The raven haired exorcist woke up to a pitch black room. No glimmer of light appeared in the room except for a glint of glass like sparkle off of Mugen's hilt. Thinking he could see his reflection on the sharp blade, he turned to peer at it. That didn't help at all. "Damn Lenalee's fucking Barbie stickers!"

When the samurai brought himself to his feet, he strode across the room. "That just had to have been a dream," he thought aloud, rubbing his sore head. Kanda knew he was a masochist just by staying by his friends sometimes, although, it kept life interesting for sure. His memory was still blurry, but he recalled begin hit on the head with a random pot by Allen, and being drugged to the point of unconsciousness by the Order's science department. For what reason he did not know. He felt normal. He sure as hell smelled normal. However, the samurai couldn't help but think something was off.

No, it was not that he forgot the whole meditation room was covered in mirrors and he still didn't notice.

After five minutes of senselessly wandering the castle to clear his fuzzy mind, Kanda came upon a sign with a bright red arrow on it. The arrow pointed to the left down a familiar hallway. Puzzled, he swiftly followed the path until he came upon another red arrow, then another, then another. Finally the path ended with a red 'X'. It was only then that the samurai looked around. He had become so absorbed in his proceedings that he failed to notice where the hell he was going!

With close inspection of the area, Kanda realized he was staring at the back door of the cafeteria. Suddenly the door burst open, just bare inches from his face. The Raven stiffened slightly in shock. Out of the doorway bore forth a hyperactive Lavi. The red-head seemed to be out of breath from anxiousness, as if he was getting ready for race.

"Babbling baboons! You scared me Yuu!" Lavi exclaimed. He slightly chuckled at the sight before him.

Kanda shook himself out of his stupor. Of course that comment previously said couldn't go un-insulted. "You call me by my first name again and I'll slice you in half with Mugen. Then, I'll soak your head in a pot of boiling water so your brain turns to mush. Got It Baka Usagi?!"

Allen popped up from behind a table saying, "Not that it isn't mush already."

"Che! For once you're right Moyashi."

"Hey! This isn't bash Lavi day! That was Tuesday…." The red-head put his hands on his hips and pouted, gesturing for the other to enter the room with him.

"Where the fuck are you leading me this time Lavi?" Kanda said. Meanwhile he was trying hopelessly to pry out of the other's grasp.

"I know you don't like group things Kanda dear~ That is why the signs were so terribly bland," the red-head drawled, leaning his face as close to his friend as possible until he was slapped away.

Suddenly, a voice from an unknown intercom boomed throughout the cafeteria. "Welcome one and all to the Black Order's First Annual Fashion Show! Our first model, making history, will be the famous Kanda Yuu!"

WIth one massive push on Lavi's part, the samurai stumbled into the spotlight. There was a mirror at the other end of the runway. Everyone knew hell was about to freeze over. Stunned at his distorted hairstyle, there was silence for a few moments.

His hair was covered to a horrendous degree in little pink bows. The hair by itself was made into tiny braids, then secured into a tight top knot on the top of his head. It was hours of painstaking work for the women of the Order. Every inch of his luxurious locks were covered in hairspray. It was a sight to behold even for the craziest little girls.

In a flash Kanda Yuu, the man of usually calm diputes went berserk. Dining chairs flew over heads and crashed into walls. The spectators fled in terror from the room. Then the Raven started throwing tables which brought out a whole new kind of hell. The doors were clogged with masses of Order members trying to get out.

From their safe place in the doorway, the red-head and albino watched the proceedings. Lavi paled, "H-he must be mad."

"I think I know how Tarzan acted when his banana was stolen…" Allen added, gripping a nearby chair for support.

"More like, how are we going to clean this all up? Komui did approve for us to do this," Lavi sighed.

Speaking of the devil, Komui, on the balcony looking down on the cafeteria, was seen by all to be crying and flailing his arms in the air frantically. "NO, NO, NO! MY DARLING ANTIQUE CHAIRS! HOW COULD YOU MY STUDENTS HOW COULD YOU?!"

"Hehe," Allen chuckled, "This is so all on you Lavi. I'm out of here!"

"Da fack! Get back here you stinker!"

**XXX**

1) During this chapter I was listening to** Can't Hold Us by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Poetic Justice by Kendrick Lamar and Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips.**

2) Question time ya'll! What is your favorite book and why? Right now I'm trying to finish the fourth book in the Eragon series. At the moment I'm only 250 or so pages in. 600 left to go hehe...


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